A new level of Sportsfan Lameness

So, yesterday, I wrote an e-mail to a sports talk radio show. Oh, I would have called and waited, done the whole "first time, long time" thing, but didn't get through. I feel like I'm somewhat better off for having merely sent an e-mail, but, it was more time consuming.

I think I feel bad because it means that I let Colin Cowherd get to me. He was railing on the Mets, and how they play themselves off as too low-rent for being in the biggest media market in the country. He kept going and going, but then he got to the "Meet The Mets" song. That was when I couldn't take it anymore. But, that's why he said it. And, keeping with the theme that this blog only discusses Mets or weddings, I will now provide you with the text of the e-mail that I sent yesterday, figuring that it ought to have a home somewhere. All you need to know about the Herd is that he has a relatively entertaining show that you really have to let grow on you. But, a lot of the time, he's a tool.
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Herd, if Mets fans wanted to go to a baseball game and not have any fun, they would be Yankee fans.

As a guy who seemingly buys a brand new multi-million dollar Connecticut suburban home every other month, you wouldn't get what its about to be a Mets fan. It's okay. You're not one, and you don't need to be. Mets fans are not interested in rooting for a roster of 25 stuffed shirts who look like they receive 0% enjoyment out of coming to work every day in their three-piece pin-striped baseball suits with their baseball briefcases, punching old boss-man Steinbrenner's time clock for yet another day at the baseball office.

A guy like you can never see the difference in Mets fans versus Yankees fans or White Sox fans versus Cubs fans. The 1986 and 2005 World Series were victories for the little guys everywhere, because it was thrown in the face of the big boys in town, the prodigal sons, the golden boys, the media favorites. For one fleeting moment, second fiddle got to be first fiddle, and that makes the victory that much sweeter.

The Mets celebrate their Wild Card victories because, those are the franchise's fourth and fifth best seasons EVER. Let the fans reflect on the handful of years of even moderate success in an oftentimes miserable franchise. When a team's rich storied history includes being the franchise who set the record for most losses in a season, you look at the world a little bit differently than you would through Yankee-colored navy blue glasses.

The "Meet the Mets" song you played is loved by Mets fans and non-Mets fans alike. Also, it is from 1962, and dig a little deeper my friend, you'll find that the Dodgers and even the Yankees all had songs about them with corny music and lousy lyrics. It was a different time when no one was as obsessed with the appearance of being "cool", which in your estimation, having a mascot is not cool, despite the fact that the majority of MLB teams have them.

Are the Cardinals a bush league franchise (no pun intended)? They not only have a mascot but they have a hot-dog shaped gun where they shoot actual hot dogs into the stands. THAT is small time. Are you going to go on the air and talk about the small-town carnival that is the city that allegedly has the best baseball fans in the country?

Have you ever actually attended a Yankee game, or just watched them on your 50 foot flat screen while being served grapes and being fanned by dozens of toga-clad women like some Roman emperor? If you were to go to a Yankee game you would see not one, but two of the hands-down worst rituals in the game: playing of "Cotton Eyed Joe" and the grounds crew dancing to "YMCA". Don't forget that this is also the franchise that, not too long ago, invited fans to come on out to the big ballpark in the Bronx in order to help set the record for most people dancing the Macarena.

And, don't pretend to be some hayseed who doesn't understand that multiple varities of uniforms and hats are about increased merchandising so that you can pay for the best team in baseball. Which, for Mets fans, regardless of wins and losses, is exactly what they have every year, and why the embrace every facet of the organization and its history.
I would bet that sounds ridiculously uncool to you. And that's okay to a Mets fan. And it is exactly why you will never be able to understand what it is all about to be one. And, it's okay, because we don't need you to.